Last nights visit was hard.
We’re getting ready to take F i L to his brother’s funeral. He was one of 6 children and this was his last (and emotionally closest) sibling.
As I’ve said before the funeral is a 5 hour drive away (7 by the time we’ve stopped for F i L to have dinner at the allotted time etc.) and we need to be at the house by 10.30am, which means staying overnight in a hotel. Trying to find a suitable hotel was a challenge. Then getting him to understand that he needs to be ready early in the morning (see http://wp.me/p2aUqx-k). Yesterday should have been a fairly straight forward visit.
At the weekend we got him to try on his suit as that’s what he wanted to wear for the funeral. He’s had it since 1987 and since M i L died he’s lost at least 3 stone (he was overweight). The suit was, unsurprisingly, too big for him but to be honest he just looked his usual scruffy self. He wasn’t comfortable in it so we offered him the option of wearing a pair of black trousers that he’d bought recently, with a shirt and tie and black jumper. Husband and I would have to go on the search for a suitable jumper without him as the last time we went clothes shopping it took 6 HOURS to buy one pair of trousers in ONE shop. These trousers subsequently became known as the ‘Modernistic Trousers’ (that story to follow).
As Husband and I both work this involved a dash out in our breaks to try to find a jumper. Husband went out first. His office is surrounded by markets, but he had no luck, so it was my turn. I’d already spent time that day trying to confirm details with the hotel and booking flowers, sorting their delivery etc. so this was another added pressure. I dashed into the local supermarket and, joy of joy, they had exactly what we were looking for. Best of all it was just £8! F i L physically winces when you tell him the price of things so this met 2 seperate criteria – it was suitable for a funeral and it was cheap!
So last night he tried it on. He tried to take the tags off before he tried it on. Husband had to remind him that this was not a good idea. It took 20 minutes to get it over his head as he kept turning it one way out and then the other. He went off to the kitchen (?) to do this and kept narrowly missing the cat litter box with the sleeves. He was huffing and puffing and sighing which is always a bad sign.
When he came back to the living room wearing it he was looking at the floor shaking his head.
“It doesn’t fit”
It was fine. It’s a slimmer fit than he’s used to, especially as he’s still wearing the voluminous jumpers from pre-weight loss, but he wasn’t satisfied. He kept pulling at the bottom of the jumper, trying to stretch it down to his knees, as if this would fix it. He wanted us to give him an alternative right then and there. Couldn’t we get him something bigger and better quality (ie more expensive!)?
Husband and I just don’t have time to take him to find another one today, so we’ve had to send him shopping on his own. We’ve explained that he has all day today and tomorrow to find something else. We have to work. His solution?
“You’ve gone to so much trouble……I’ll wear this one”
There’s nothing worse than him ‘putting up’ with something he doesn’t like so fingers crossed he’ll find something.
The Dementia Diary 