The Dementia Diary

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The Birthday Cheque……

on February 9, 2012
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When we visited F i L we noticed that he had written BANK on his list.  His list isn’t so much a to do list, more a list of everything he needs to remember, eg shopping, how long to leave his dinner in the oven etc.

In the past he has visited the bank to take insurance or open savings accounts he doesn’t need.  Husband asked him why he was going to there this time.

“I found a cheque from my brother,for my birthday, and I need to see whether I can bank it.  It’s 5 months old.”

“I’m sure it’s fine Dad.  Just pay it in.”

“I think it’s 6 months isn’t it?”  He used to work for a bank so I was a little surprised, or maybe not, that he didn’t know that.

“Dad, just pay it in.  What are you going to do if it doesn’t clear?”

His brother died 2 weeks ago.

“I’m going to phone [his widow] and ask her to send me a new cheque.”

He’s always been a selfish man, but this did feel like a new low.  I know that dementia can increase selfishness but this was so insensitive too.  I said

“You can’t call her!”

“Why not?”

Husband said “You know that [brother] has just died?”

“Of Course I know that!!”  He was almost shouting

I continued.

“You can’t call her and say ‘I’m sorry you’re mourning the loss of my brother that you’ve had a 20 year relationship with, but he owes me £20 and I’d like it now’!”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s not appropriate” I said

Husband went back to default: “Just bank the cheque”

Hopefully he’ll bank the cheque and forget about it whether it clears or not, but we strongly suspect he’s gong to make that call.

Oh….No. 3 son has rearranged his visit.  We were told it would be today, but when we checked with him it’s tomorrow.  Funny that.  The forecast is snow again tonight! ;op


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