The Dementia Diary

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The List

on June 21, 2012

Last night while Husband and were out (I was making jewellery at my WI craft group and Husband was playing tennis) F i L phoned.  It’s been a few weeks since our last panicked evening call.  The only person in the house was Boy and when he saw, via the caller ID, who was calling he didn’t answer.

Boy told Husband about the call when he returned from tennis, and husband told me about it this morning.  It was lunchtime before he had the opportunity to call his dad back.  I got an email almost immediately after.

It went like this:

“Phoned him…[No. 3 Son and his wife] were there this morning

 

1.    ‘Do I need to get an extended warranty for my washing machine? –No. 3 Son said no’ 

2.    ‘Letter from Britannia building Society’ –I said don’t do anything we’ll have a look when we’re there next

3.    ‘Can’t get my head round this dial-a ride stuff- No. 3 Son said he would sort it out’ !!!!!! ????

4.    ‘The nurse hasn’t come yet’ –I said look in the yellow book to confirm the appointment….ok hang on……………………….………..yes you’re right it’s today……………was there a note from [me] in there?    ……………………hang on i’ll have a look……………………..……………………….no !

5.    ‘No. 3 Son says can you help him with the fence’ –i’ll speak to him

6.    ‘I’m really in a bit of a mess. when can you come round?’- wasn’t No.3 Son there today?????? “

Grrrrr.

I’m riled.

No. 3 Son has been to visit yet we’ve got a list of stuff to sort out!

The worrying part for me is the bit about the nurse visit (the rest is just annoying).  I have booked a district nurse to come and do F i L’s blood test at home, because I can’t keep taking time away from work to take him and he gets lost if he goes alone, and also to do some blood tests that his GP has asked for.  I have to call him to make sure he DOES still have the paperwork.

“Hello [F i L].  Has the nurse been yet?”

“No.”

“OK.  When she does your blood test, there’s another form you need to give her today.  I put it with your yellow (warfarin) book.  Is it still there?”

“Hang on dear…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….Yes there’s a form here.”

“Keep that with your book and give it to the nurse when she comes, ok?”

“Yes dear.”

“Put it in the book…..”

“OK……….I’m in a dreadful mess.  I’d be so grateful if you could come round and help me.”

“[No. 3 Son]’s coming today.  He can help.”

I know that No. 3 son has been and gone but I want to hear F i L’s explanation for why this son has been unable to sort stuff out.

“Oh, well, he said he was going to do the fence and, well, you know, that’s enough……..”

It’s enough for No.3  Son to turn up once every couple of weeks and promise to do something, but us turning up 4 times a week and being given a list of stuff to do isn’t!   F i L hasn’t even asked him to help!

I am angry  that No.3 Son can’t see that he needs to put himself forward to help.

I am angry that F i L will only ask me and Husband about his list of concerns.

I am angry that we have to do all of the drudge work and get no recompense, emotionally or otherwise, for it.

One thing that did make me smile:  When No. 3 Son’s wife arrived today, F i L asked her if she’d like to look around his new house.  He’s lived there for almost 2 years now!  I smiled because she, and No. 3 Son got to see for themselves today how quickly the years are being wiped away from F i L’s memory now.  He doesn’t even know that his 8th grandchild, their son, has been born because that happened within the time that he has lost.  I also smiled because a little part of me hoped that he was being sarcastic.  I hoped that he was saying “Haven’t seen much of you in the past couple of years! Let me remind you where things are in my house!”  Unfortunately I think it was just the former.

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One response to “The List

  1. […] another WordPress.com site « The List Jun […]

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